


Fresh Start

by tawnyPort



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Homestuck Shipping World Cup, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, kan with man, political blathering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 07:28:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tawnyPort/pseuds/tawnyPort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm not goin to be important anymore." His voice is soft. He's looking down and fussing with his rings and that's as honest as you've seen him be in a long time. You always liked to think he was fairly honest with you. On this point, though, you have a ready response.</p>
<p> "You were never important to begin with."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fresh Start

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Team Eridan<>Kanaya in [Main Round One](http://hswc2013-r1.dreamwidth.org/7868.html) of HSWC 2013.

You feel adrenaline surge through you as you snap back to a sitting position and recover your senses. When did you fall asleep? There's a long moment when the only sound in the room is the ticking of the film strip you were watching flipping on the reel, then the stalemate between dreaming and wakefulness is broken by a voice.

"Hey Kan."

You turn your head and see the familiar lightning horns and Rhoman profile of your one-time murderer and your gut takes the roller coaster ride that has become your default response to seeing him since the game ended. A drop because you know he's only here because he needs something--Eridan Ampora is a bottomless pit of desperate requirements--and then the slow rise that comes from knowing you can probably meet that need whether you want to or not. 

He's backlit in the doorway so all you see is his silhouette as he enters the small conference room you've commandeered for the work Feferi requested of you. Even in such low light, though, you can see that his shoulders are slumped and he's snarling. Full on sulky princeling mode. 

You wonder what's brought him and his rain cloud to you.

You can pick out his reflective bits by where they shine your own glow back at you. At least, until he hits the switch. "Of course you can turn the lights on, I was done anyway. To what do I owe the pleasure?" You rub your eyes perhaps a little more dramatically than necessary but it's lost on him as he billows unceremoniously into a chair around the table's corner from you, exhaling as though the weight of both moons is crushing him. 

"What, suddenly I need a reason to go where I want in this building?" He pauses and turns to look at you, face full of defiance, but when you don't react it crumbles, an avalanche from eyebrows to cleft chin. "Do I?"

"Of course not but when I asked you to join me in this research before you declined in favor of, I quote, 'more important wwork like layin the foundations of a regime that wwould evventually usher in the wworld peace these humans are alwways bawwlin about.'" Speaking to him in his accent always has the twofold effect of making you feel better and making him feel ever so slightly worse. It's the perfect way to yank his chain when he's trying milk you for pity and the way he slumps now is at least half for the effect he wants it to have on you. 

"Just needed a break from all the human stuffed shirts in the setup meetins for Fef's new glubbernment."

"Glubbernment?" She definitely kicked him out. You kind of want to kick him out.

"Government. See, that there's just additional corroboratin proof that I needed to get out of there for a while and come investigate how your research and development is goin, oh mighty Minister of Education."

You know he doesn't care but he asked and you are going to take any opportunity you can at this point to procrastinate. If Feferi asks you later you will claim this was a diplomatic conversation or cupboard meeting. Cabinet? Humans have such odd names for everything. "I am encouraged by what I see. Rose tells me that these examples are good representations of what not to do and I am inclined to agree. Apart from following the examples shown in this kind of footage, I am not sure we could go completely wrong."

"What've you been watchin, anyway? Did you take my suggestions?" He leans forward and picks up the can on the table. The label reads, "HITLER-JUGEND," and while you made a few jokes to yourself about the Alternian look of the name, you were shocked to see just how accurate that assessment was when you watched the film.

The suggestion had come from Eridan.

"I did but I don't think it conveyed quite what you were hoping it would. These people were not leaders, they were totalitarians whose actions resulted in millions and millions of deaths. These are not men to be admired. To be perfectly honest I wanted a long shower after watching these propaganda films, and I do not see any potential models in them for what I want to achieve." You suspect Porrim would have a lot to say about the fact that the leaders were, without fail, men, but that's not a topic you're interested in broaching with Eridan. "Unless you are trying to subtly convey to me that you are returning to your previous agenda."

"Of course not." His wounded wince looks genuine but then he darts his eyes over at you to make sure you're watching. "I haven't felt that way in a long time, Kan, you know that. I'm not advocatin killin anybody. I just thought that these were, apart from the wholesale slaughter a minorities thing, great examples a how effective uniform social policy can be for establishin a powerful center a leadership. Didn't you find yourself feelin moved by the idea of standin strong with your government, agreein with it in all things and takin its priorities and goals into your heart? Doesn't that give you the sense a security a newly fledged world needs?" He's very sincere as he speaks, gesticulating in front of himself with lots of clenched fists. It's not very encouraging.

"You're not wrong, exactly, but I don't think that's the kind of government Feferi is interested in setting up here with the humans. Both our races are intimately familiar with the failings of totalitarianism and I don't believe Feferi wants to see herself elevated to that kind of--"

"It wouldn't be just Fef! That's where a lot of these guys went wrong, I think, by centralizin their philosophies as comin from themselves as somethin borderin a godhead. You can see that in the film strips an posters an everythin in the archives here." He gestures to the stacks of file folders and film cans on the table. You are not wanting for research material, that's true. 

"Not that I think Fef is anythin less than the kind of leader you ought to follow no matter what she's askin of you," he continues, the enthusiasm kindled in him by talking about something even tangentially political dimming to something more personal, "but the entire concept of a cult a personality around her... I don't like it." Eridan tugs his cape protectively around himself and you think you see what's really happening here.

You rise halfway out of your seat and turn the projector off, drawing your chair a little closer to the corner of the table as you sit back down. "Eridan, why are you here?"

"Somethin might or might not have happened in the latest round of meetings with the human delegation. Please don't take this the wrong way because I like your matesprit an all, I mean she's infuriatin as all getout but she's smart an terrifyin an everything but she keeps turnin the focus of the meetings." He's starting to open up, a positive sign, but you have no idea where he's going with this. "The humans are very focused on having as much of the new government be democratically put in place as possible and I'm doin my best to hold my tongue about how the majority of the population ain't fit to cast a line let alone cast a vote. She keeps talkin over me going on about how important it is that every voice be heard and Fef's agreein with her."

You lean back in your chair and even go so far as to prop your feet on the table. He has no idea when to stop; he'd probably be stunned to realize how close that moment follows to when he starts. It's pitiful. "Every voice does deserve to be heard. We agreed on that before the end of the game. The fact that you were not alive for that agreement does not exempt you from it. In fact, had you been more amenable to something like that in life, you might not even have been killed."

He rolls his eyes at you and huffs out a little sigh. You know the sound. He thinks you just need to have it explained in smaller words. "I'm not tryin to back out of the agreement even if I do think it's unfair for all of us to be bound by somethin we weren't initially a party to, but seein as Fef's willing to go along I'm not about to disparage it. I just think it's worth considering that maybe some voices ought to be louder than others." Eridan leans forward, elbows on his knees, all stubborn emphasis. "Even the humans have to agree to that. They want to model this on their American government because that's all they know but even there some caste zones had a bigger say than others."

"They were called states, Eridan, and that was because they had a bigger population. Some states had more representation because more people lived there. By that logic the voices of the lowbloods ought to have been the loudest on Alternia and I can guess how well you'd have enjoyed that." He can't possibly be that ignorant of the American political system. Six of the eight of the humans you met were American, essentially, though obviously Roxy and Dirk had a somewhat different experience of American life and politics than Jane or any of the humans from the universe you created.

"That's just how it looks on the surface, Kan. You want to talk about how bad those film strips were but I submit that what you're being schoolfed by the other side is just as bad. That's what they want you to think about how it operates, but you know better. Again, just lookin at Alternia!" He smirks like he's got you and spreads his hands. Arrogant asshole. "Sure, there were exponentially more lowbloods than highbloods but look whose voices were the loudest. The ones who were the best equipped to lead! That's what I was trying to explain when things got out of hand."

You lift one eyebrow and sigh. "What did you do?"

"There was a diversion in the conversation to the topic a dual leadership, meaning having a matched set of heads of state as opposed to swappin off or allowin for just one to be elected every term. I was tryin to explain how that would never work because it's a completely unstable arrangement. Obviously the troll population is going to be led by Fef but she's going to outlive literally every person an troll on this planet so there's no point in electing or appointing or positioning anybody beside her unless it's possibly another highblood. Otherwise, you can't be certain a the continuity a philosophy that's needed to ensure a long-reigning empire." 

You uncross your ankles and kick his shoulder. "You're rambling and none of that is as obvious as you think it is. One of the things humans enjoy the most about their form of government is its capacity for change. Besides, they have no experience with empires that last that long. Congratulations on overwhelming them and setting them on the defensive right out of the gate. Now. What did you _do_?"

He swats at your foot and crosses his arms defensively. "Voices may or may not have been raised concerning who the best candidate for initially co-leading with Fef would be." A dawning sense of understanding overtakes you and it must show in your face because he looks at least slightly chastized even though you haven't said a word. "I didn't think there was anything wrong with arguin that it ought to be someone who comes from a position of leadership already and who was intimately familiar with Fef's leadership plans an goals an could therefore be instrumental in helpin her make them a reality--"

You throw your hands up and lean farther back in the chair to stare at the ceiling. You can't even muster anger at him at this point because it's all so familiar. "Do you ever intend to grow up? Will nothing ever change you? What benefit is there to being so completely impermeable to the good intentions of others? You were killed, resurrected as a game entity, torn in two _again_ , and reborn just like the rest of us when we beat the game, and yet you remain exactly the same as you were almost three sweeps ago now when this all got started."

The silence stretches so long you are forced to tilt your head up and peer down your nose to make sure he didn't sneak out. He's still there but all the confidence and bluster has gone out of him.

"I'm not goin to be important anymore." His voice is soft. He's looking down and fussing with his rings and that's as honest as you've seen him be in a long time. You always liked to think he was fairly honest with you. On this point, though, you have a ready response.

You move until you're sitting on the table near him, within kicking distance of his knee, and tap his leg with your toe until he looks up at you. "Eridan. That's the problem." You lean forward and give into an impulse you've been carrying for the majority of the time you've known this wreck of a troll, softly patting your hand against his cheek. It doesn't matter if he doesn't feel the same. You just hope it gets him to hear what you're going to stay to him more clearly. "You were never important to begin with."

Eridan's eyes take on a peculiar kind of light as he tries to piece together the hand on his face with what you've just said. You're suddenly not entirely certain of what you said either. This felt so right for a split second and now you're unsure whether to backpedal or forge ahead.

"Wait. You were just never as important as you thought you were." You feel much better about that but you're not sure he does so you do what comes naturally and continue. You are a Sylph, or were a Sylph. A fixer. A healer. You can do this. "Think honestly about life on Alternia. The only difference between you and the grubloaf you ate is that you managed to survive but at the end of the night The Condesce was the only one who really mattered. You only thought you were the best equipped to lead because she told you so just like she told you people like Aradia or Tavros weren't. No one ever got a chance. Everything we did was for her or because of her, it was to please her or protect her or further what she wanted. You may have been a slightly bigger cog in her machine but you were as much a cog as any of us, Eridan. You bought it hook, line, and sinker."

He lifts one hand up to your wrist, trying to pull your hand away as he gives you a look saying he noticed that pun and your effort is not appreciated, but you will not be deterred. You are going to pap him whether he likes it or not. Your purpose is crystal clear before you now. The goal of a moirail is to pacify their partner, to bring them back to sanity from a place of violence and hatred. For Eridan, even if he won't be your moirail, you need to bring him back from this place of despair to one of hope and confidence, even if it means tipping the scale to arrogance. When he gives up, Eridan takes everyone else with him.

"I know you want to be more than merely a cog in someone else's machine so why not treat this as your chance to do so? Stop following in the footsteps of a brutal, genocidal madwoman simply because she and her power told you all your life she was supposed to be admired. Do something different. My god, Eridan, you want to be royalty, some kind of mighty leader, then fucking stop pouting that Feferi won't just give you half the world and do something to earn it!"

At some point your gentle touches turned into something closer to slapping than papping but something seems to have taken hold in Eridan. The luster in his eyes has dimmed back to normal--the haze of serendipity has faded but so has the sheen of tears you saw when he was slipping toward despair. He's silent, though, just staring at you. You stop your hand and stand up, feeling the glow of your body ramping up to maximum intensity as your shame rises. What the hell were you thinking? This is a disaster.

"I'm sorry. I let my emotions get the best of me. I'm going to go for a walk. I don't know when I'll be back." You move past him toward the door but he catches your wrist. You feel a little electric thrill through your body, far from concupiscent attraction but also certainly not platonic, and you stop.

"Kan. Stay." He tugs on your wrist. It's such a pathetic gesture. "Please. We can watch some more of your film strips or somethin an I can be the first student of the Minister of Education."

You turn around slowly, yanking your wrist free and reaching forward to mess up his perfectly styled douchebag hair as you walk back to your chair. "You're going to have to be quiet and actually listen to me. Do you think you can manage that for a few minutes?"

The smile he gives you is so wide and genuine and hopeful it makes your fangs ache. Oh, you've fallen hard for this juvenile petty asshole. You only hope you can actually do some good with it. You start to spool the next reel, an educational strip from the Soviet Politburo, and poke Eridan until he turns the lights out. If only everything promised to be that easy.


End file.
